so i am having this realization in my life. i have this fear, like most people, that if you really knew me you wouldn't love me. there are all these reasons why i believe that, reasons that i won't go into now, but.....
what i am finding is that i think that no one really knows me. i think that i am hiding behind my walls and no one knows or sees any of my insecurities or faults. so i think i am hiding and all these people that think i am wonderful and amazing i have a hard time accepting their love because i think " they don't know me. if they really knew me...they would leave".
but i think that is a lie.
my friends and family know me. i may not express my inner most thoughts with people but i wear my brokeness just like everyone else. people know me.
and i lift my head up long enough to realize that no one has left me. in fact, i am surronded by friends and family who love me.....and not just love me...adore me.
and i am humbled because of my self-loathing and my inability to accept what love i am being given.
and humbled at my crappy job of hiding my wounds.
so to all my amazing friends and family...you know who you are, thank you for seeing me and loving me.....and maybe loving me even more because of my brokeness.
i love sarah and beth. i love that my friend michelle turned 30!!! i love that renata and kim are pregnant at the same time. i love that srah fights for my dreams. i love that silas, in addition to mad counseling skills, can also fix thing. he is fixing our door and window. i love that my friends ange and court love fall so much.
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3 comments:
thanks for writing, girl. we're here. we're not going anywhere!
it's so perfect i'm crying.
I feel the same way. And yet, I know that the friends I have and love, I know that I wouldn't stop loving them if I really knew them; I would just love them more. And that is the same for you. Never fear, we're not going to leave.
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