an old email.

So my friend steve and shannon kept this email that i sent out around spring 2004...so about 5 years ago. its about this crazy experience i had in nepal. it reminded me of who i am and all i have to do is be available and Jesus moves. I ministered to myself so i figured it must be God.



Hey everyone,
I am sorry for all the e-mails I haven't written back to yet. I haven't had consistent e-mail access in Thailand and the area of nepal I was in it is so slow but I have to write you and tell you some amazing stories.The retreat with the staff was so good. The island was beautiful and the time with the staff was so good. I had to say good-bye to Josh and that way, way sucked. I think that I am going to be a little lost for a while with out him in Calcutta. I will write more about all the changes later...but I wanted to tell about how God sent me into the darkness of the thai sex trade.The sex industry in Thailand is huge....not for Thai people but for forgein men coming to sleep with Thai girls, or boys, or both. At the beach we stayed with probably 1 out of the six couples were older men with young Thai girls. It was rather sickening to see. I had read some about the sex trade in different books but really could believe that I was seeing this right in front of my eyes on my vacation. Their stories are so similar to the girls in India....rape, beatings, desperation, poverty, shame. bangkok is renown for its sex trade and people actually just come to thailand to purchase sex.
So....here is how Jesus let me minister to the people not in the sex trade this time.....but the men themselves.
Let me start this story off. I left the beach two days earlier than the staff b/c I had to fly to nepal to meet the servant team. So i left the beach last saturday the 25th. I took the boat back to the mainland and ended up meeting these two guys from Germany who were going back to bangkok. Their were both 25 and studying in China and were on holiday. Their names were Thomas and Andrew.WE ended up getting a taxi b/c the bus wasn't coming for another two hours and we wanted to have some time in bangkok. So the whole three hour cab ride we chatted....about so much stuff. Communism, germany, american, china, living overseas......But within the first 30 minutes Thomas says to me "Yeah China girls are so easy. all you have to do is say Hi and they are yours". Then he asked me if I knew any dirty jokes...mind you Andrew is in the back of the cab dying of embarassment. We got our rooms at our hostel. I had to catch a cab at 4:30 in the morning and realized that I did't have alarm clock. They guys said I should just not go to bed and stay out all night....I never do things like that anymore but I was kinda like...what the heck. These guys had made me laugh, I have enough money in my pocket for a cab ride home, and I was up for some adventure...so I went.
We first went to this outdoor market and sat and listened to a thai band sing Britney spears, the beatles...and a lot of other random music. Thomas started to tell me about this bar that he knows in the red-light district in bagkok called goldfinger. I told him if it was anything like I had heard about them I wasn't going in. He reassured me that it wasn't...they have bars in this area that aren't "sex bars". I told them I was a tad scared...images of the red-light district in Calcutta came racing to my mind and they reassured me that I would be okay.So we hopped in a touk-touk (like a golf cart type thing) and headed toward the red-light district that I had heard so much about.
On the way there a strange holy spirit thing happened in my heart and I started to pray for them and somehow I knew it was going to be okay and that i was actually supposed to be here in this moment.So we end up in the red-light district right smack dab in the middle of the action. It is so different than India.....there are tourist every where!!!! The street in the middle is lined with shops that sell tourist things (normal things...like tshirts and purses) and the sides of the streets are lined with bars...some "sex bars" and some normal (i think) bars. I am propositioned (along with the guys) to come inside this one bar and they have a menu of "sex acts". that you can purchase. It makes me so sad.
WE find this bar called "goldfinger". Thomas had heard about it from a friend and it was supposed to be the best bar around. So we go in.I walk in and the first thing I see is girls on top of the bar dancing in bikini's and that is it. So we sit in the corner some and they get a beer and then I end up meeting the owner. He is american!!!
And i begin to notice the whole bar is filled with old american men!!! I ask how and why he started this. I think now he is around 48 years old and he said that 25 years ago he moved to Korea after his divorce and had worked for ITT for 5 years there and wanted a change so he came to this area and bought this bar. He said that he is married to a thai woman. He met her when she was fifteen!!!!! and the day she turned 18 she moved in with him!!! and now they have been married for 6 years....so you do the math. He says this bar is strictly for drinking only and the girls.....well they just happen to be there.
So we move on. We finish walking down the street and it is filled with dancing bar girls and some of the names of the bar are really explicit....really different from caluctta.So....we get to the end of the street and ended up playing some pool and then going to mcdonald's!!! It was really, really fun.
So we go back to the tourist area. WE end up at this bar that they had gone to the other night. SO i once again begin to look around began to notice...not old white men with thai girls....but young men....guys my age....I mean in this bar alone I saw about 20 different men with thai girls.So I start to talk to thomas and andrew about this when we get interrupted by this waiter who says these men who know thomas and andrew want us to join them for a drink.So we move tables and I am with six men now...four older french men and thomas and andrew. I start to ask thomas more questions and find out that two nights ago he hired a thai girl for the entire night for 800 bhat (about $20). I just kinda sat there for a little bit.THen the french guy was looking at some pictures and I made the mistake of asking who they were......he then showed me a picture of thomas with a thai girl ( no big deal), then andrew sitting at a bar with a thai girl, and then a picture of the thai girl that I won't even tell about here because the image still haunts my mind.Then the gross french men starts talking about tahi girls and how he wants to marry me and they are just so gross and creepy.
So thomas and andrew and I start talking again and I end up telling them what I do exactly in Calucutta....I work to get girl out of the sex trade.thomas is silent.The french men get up to leave and the french man whispers in my ear something that makes my body twinge with disgust and hate and I wondered what vile acts he has done to women.as they get up to leave I turn to andrew and say "I am sitting at a table of men that I hate. I am sitting here with the very people who are doing what God wants undone". He looks at me and says "I know. I think it is wrong to"
the french men left and I start to ask my two friends questions. WHy? lonliness? pleasure? they tell me it is all of the above.
SO then I get to tell them (actually andrew already has a basic knowledge of how bad the sex trade is) about how these girls get to the streets here. I get to tell them about how its not a choice. I get to tell them my dreams for the girls. It was awesome.And then somehow Thomas ended up asking me how many people I had slept with....when I said no one they about fell out of their chairs. They could believe it. So that led in to this whole other conversation about marriage, and commitment, and God. I wish you could of seen the way, specifically Thomas, looked at me differently. I think that is possible the most beautiful I have ever felt in my life. I think something connected with Thomas that night....for the first time he saw past his own lust and started to see the girls and where they come from.
I asked thomas how many people he had slept with. HE said before China....six...but since he went to china he had slept with at least twice that many. His goal was to sleep with a woman in every county he went to. When I look at this man I could so clearly see the stronghold of lust over his life. He was so obsesses with sex and what he called "fun times" that it was almost like an additicion and sex and pleasure was all he could see. I actually felt sorry for him.So we then started to talk about marriage and it was just so good.The french men invited them to go to this hotel and get some girls but instead they wanted to hang out more and we went to this other bar and ended up meeting other really cool travelers and just talked about life and culture until 4:15 in the morning and it was time to go.As they walked me upstairs THomas gave me a hug...I wish I had words to describe the hug....it was honoring to me in so many ways but also so desperate in some. I knew that his heart was hurting and craved something pure and craved to be loved. This night was so huge for me....so huge...
I was in the midst of the darkness but yet I have never felt like such a light. I realized that I am not just waiting to have sex till i am married for my husband but for guys like Thomas and anderew and the girls in Sonagatchie and the girls in Thailand. IT made me see how obedience to Jesus makes me beautiful. I have no doubt in my heart those men saw Jesus in me. Jesus is the only reason that I am waiting and the only reason I do the work I do....and I felt like I was oozing Jesus. And the most amazing thing is that this whole night just came from being available.....from trusting the Spirit. It wasn't planned or manipulated.I just got an e-mail yesterday from andrew saying how it was really impactful to meet me and apologized again for thomas. and said that he couldn't believe he took me into those places and that he is rethinking what commitment is......Isn't that amazing???? JEsus rips my face off.
But the thing that stayed with me the whole night is that i knew that Jesus was in the red-light district. I knew that he was in that bar goldfinger and at that table amongst those men. He is there b/c he loves both the thai girls and those dirty french men and me and thomas and andrew. I didin't have to be afraid.
I was blown away that in thailand the problem are not the uneducated men of thailand or the poor or the perverts....it is the average white college educated man. It is us...the westerners capitalizing on the poverty of the young women. It is us....not them. This night in bangkok brought this issue home for me. In India it is easy to blame the indian man....but I see just a glimpse in the gatch of the power of lust. It made me so clearly see that sexual sin permeates us all....all cultures, races, countries...it is not just india's problem......it is ours.
So...on a closing note. Men ( and women). IF you are caught in lust. Tell someone. Confess to your friends and your church family. Get free. I see to many men whose lives are destroyed by it and too many young girls whose lives are forever destroyed by it. I know there is freedom. Jesus wants to give it.So if you could say a prayer for thomas and andrew. I will write another mass e-mail soon and catch you up on things in sonagachie.....sorry this was sooo long. if you read to the end thank you. love in Christ,

my balloon ride

I got to go hot air ballooning on Wednesday morning. My friend and boss, Tom Tanenbaum best friend, BOB owns a ballooning company. So he offered to take me one morning. So after meeting at 6:00am we headed out....and then up!!! it was really really cool. I felt like charlie from willy wonka and the chocolate factory when he got to ride in the glass elevator. Its such a crazy sensation to float above the world. We went over some swamps and saw deer, cows (aka beth's mom). wild pigs (hey sarah you didn't tell me your mom was visiting), and some pretty birds. It was so cool.

this is after landing...sorry...they are in reverse order. they had all this down to a science.
we got to see the sun come up. this was after we crossed over I-4. if you look you can see the other balloon that flew with us. there used to be lots and lots of flying together, but then people got nasty and competitive and went their own way. so bob is real old school and still would rather fly together.....he is cool.
here comes the sun!!!
me, bob, and a really nice british couple celebrating their 28th year of marriage standing inside the balloon...this was a cool part.
they first fill the balloon up with cold air using a huge fan. then heat of the air and shazam....the balloon rises. we ended up traveling about 13 miles in one hour. not the fastest mode of transportation but definitely one of the most relaxing!!!

After a kinda exciting and rocky landing, you get to have a champagne toast and everyone raises their glasses and says this toast together.

The winds have welcomed you with softness
the sun has blessed you with warm hands
you have flown so high and so well
that God has joined you in your laughter
and set you gently back
into the loving arms of mother earth.

isn't that pretty.

so i highly recommended going on a hot air balloon ride. specifically with bob. www.bobsballons.com its cool to float.

i love that i bought a car yesterday. i love that i really am spoiled at work....tom bought be going away flowers and today we all went out to lunch at a really really nice Chinese buffet. I had lunch with 4 men today and they all make me laugh. i love what different things men talk about at lunch then women. i love the feeling of excitement i have right now about moving. i love that i feel hopeful. i love walking out of a freezing cold restaurant into the perfect 85 degree weather and having the sun thaw me out.

my weekend away

I got to spend two nights with my brother in Dallas. Then the next four in Omaha, NE where i got to participate in a board meeting and end my time with WMF.
here are some highlights!

1. My brother is seriously rockin cool. We only had two very short days together but we packed it in and did all the stuff we love doing together. This included eating lots of good food, playing Frisbee in the park, and probably my most favorite thing to do with my brother....a trip to Dave and Buster's...a big arcade. We played both basketball game, ski ball, some shooting games and our favorite game that always makes us laugh....air hockey. I really love my bro.

2. The commissioning service (and my ending time). I got to be there to commission Shelia who is moving to Kolkata. Both of her parents where there both of which who prayed for her. both of her parents spoke of the day they committed Shelia to Jesus when she was a baby girl and they both once again rededicated their daughter to Jesus and put their trust in Him. (this was all through shaky voices and many tears). It reminds me of what a cost a parent also pays when their child chooses to serve overseas. They have to release and trust just as much as the child. It was really beautiful. I wish i would of given my parents a chance to participate.

3. Mandy...Shazam!!!

4. Going dancing with Liz and energetic steve.

5. getting to celebrate the joy and suffering that my time in Kolkata was. I got to give a small reflection on my time in Kolkata. I use the communion cup. Its the perfect example of joy and sorrow mixed together. My time in Kolkata was so rich, so amazing, so deep, so overflowing with the suffering and redemption of Jesus that i cant' help but to be in awe. It was a good time. WMF i still think has the most amazing peeps on earth. It has been an honor to serve along side them.

6. Silas and Kim's kids. i got to stay with kim and silas and they have four kids ranging in age from 3-8. they are seriously the coolest kids ever. Kim and silas lived in Nepal for 9 years and i can see what amazing things this has done to their kids. I mean when audia (their six year old) moved to america she broke down crying because her friend in nepal didn't have the same things as her.....that is amazing! and they are well behaved and just fun. my favorite quote
me asking Pria (who is the little girl, age 3) what do you think about this economic down turn we are having pria?
Pria: gets really sad: "I hate trash"
Pria: "and my name isn't Pria, is Alishia and i am a dog"
so that would be an example of the coolest kids ever.

i love that i will get to see Gay this weekend. i love that i missed my friends here. I love that WMF inspires people to live their lives differently. I love that now both daphne and jara are married or getting married.....two strong, beautiful, independent, confident, exception women who i totally look up to. i love that i got to play ultimate frisbee on Thursday and it hurt my back less than yoga!!! i love that i am going on a hot air ballooning ride tomorrow. i love that i will be missed at this job and will miss the people at this job.

waiting, hillbilly boxing, change

1. This weekend we had a party....for me! to celebrate India. it was super fun. we played hillbilly boxing, water balloon toss, the catch a water balloon in a bag game (a kristin original), horseshoes, and corn hole. it was really really fun. i laughed and was covered in flour and water and surrounded by really amazing people. We watched a video i found that laura had made me (we are talking VHS here folks!!) when i left wesley. it was filled with scary bunnies and me speaking at close to His heart. It reminded me of where i came from, how far God has brought me, and again...how many amazing people i get to be in relationship with!!

2. my time here is ending in Orlando. I went from being like "there is time! i don't have to see everyone i know in a week. I have time!" and now i am like...I don't have time!! i don't have time!! I am leaving in two weeks!! I don't have time". Change is coming fast folks. and its exciting and scary and life giving and makes me dream.

3. I travel to Omaha this weekend for the board meeting. It will be a time of closure. It makes me sad in some ways to officially end my time with WMF but it feels like it is coming at the perfect time...a week before i move to a new city to start a new life, and start with some new dreams. It feels like i can let it go now. It feels time to move.

4. It amazes me that when i take an hour and journal and write and stop running from God what He can do. I really only need an hour about once a week. and it had been two months. My conclusions from my time with God.....Be the 10th Leper. Live out of thankfulness. You have a choice what to do in the waiting. Maybe eternity and the fact that God will wipe away all my friends tears one day really is bigger then the current suffering of this world. Maybe God can make it okay in the end.

I love that i get to see the WMF folks this weekend. am ready for some acting natural poses!!! i love that i will get to go to andrew crawford's birthday. i love that i will get to go to olvia's christening. i love that i bought kelly green, polka dot flip flops this weekend. i love that i have watched the you tube video of susan boyle like 10 times and cry almost every time. i love that my life really feels right, right now.

my friend's kids

my friends have some really amazing kids. yesterday for example....i am at jessa's house. Jessa and i are having this super serious conversation about God (well, i am telling her all my deepest darkest struggles and she is listening and being amazing) and life and suffering. He little girl then proceeds to grab my hand and say, "play with me. let's run". so we ran. and all was right with the world.

then at dinner we were praying. Jessa taught katherine a new prayer. which kat proceeded to put her own twist on. here goes
jessa; God is...
katherine: ....great.
Jessa God is....
katherine: good.
Jessa: Let us...
katerine: eat our food!

i love my friends kids. i love that i got to run out side with naomi through rows of trees and on a huge pile of leaves. i love that i told bethany (who was having trouble sleeping) to count to 275 and she would fall asleep. (i didn't hear anything after 30....) I love that my niece chilled out in my lap for about 40 minutes on easter. i love that issac makes me laugh out loud. I love that prema plays with her little brothers. I love that eli is a little chunk who loves to torment his brother when he is in the corner but also loves to snuggle with his dad. i love that steve and shannon's kids now call them "mother" and "father" after seeing sound of music. i love natalies sweet dance moves.

i love it.

Boggle

for those of you who know me, you know that i love boggle. love it. and i am pretty good at it. and now that i have this job that isn't busy sometimes i play on-line boggle. well i just found the best, best on-line boggle. it give the def. of all the words in the puzzle. there are so many words that i had no idea were....well...words. here are some examples....and if you do play boggle...this will seriously help your boggle score!! www.wordtwist.org
loor- beloved
wey- path, road
tenne- to allot
nee- 'born", used to indicate maiden name or family name of married women
vare- a wand or staff of authority
tav- hebrew letter
nie - to approach
poon- a wood that is used to make mast and spars
toom- empty
sey- part of a carcas of beef
yex- to hiccough (um....for real???)
ers- bitter vetch (what???)
Good luck folks! and if you are ever in town...please, please play boggle with me!!!

i love that beth and sarah played boggle with me even though they never really liked it, but they loved me. i love that beth once spelled "water hose" for 11 points!! i love that steve mersinger is an amazing boggle play. i Love that even though i am a horrible, horrible speller i still am good at boggle. i love even when i try really really hard to profread my own writing i always, always miss mistakes. i love spell check!!! i love in the book "ramona quimby age 8" she also questions why spelling is important. i love that when i did the spell check for this post....all the words i wrote above were highlighted.

things

1. I got a job. I will be the senior public health nutritionist for Duval County in Jacksonville, Florida for the WIC program (women, infant and children). (not the WICA program like my mom always says!!!) This program offer food assistance as well as free nutrition education to the people in Duval County. So i still get to work with women affected by poverty as well as use my very dormant nutrition skills. I will also be a supervisor to a team of dietitians and doing one-on-one nutrition counseling to high risk patients. It will be a challenge on all levels so am looking forward to the challenge. i start may 15th.

2. I am going to be living next door to Craig and Jen Curell. in a 1 bedroom super cute flat. I know Jen from college and both Jen and Craig were with WMF, so that will be so cool!

3. i am most likely buying the car i have been borrowing from some friends.

4. my friends are trying to hook me up with some quality men and i like that.

5. i was thinking about checking out colorado, but as i was sitting on my couch two weeks ago in perfect 80 degree weather and they were talking about a snow storm in denver.....well, that pretty much made the decision for me!!!

6. I will work at my current temp job until the end of april. the last two weeks only part time.

7. I am going to Omaha to the board meeting to officially end my time with WMF. on the way i get to stop and see my brother.

8. have loved being here in orlando and hanging out with laura and vannessa and all my peeps. i love that i another single friend who we can talk about boys with!!!

9. i had a trip planned to st. louis but had to cancel because i had to start this job. am way bummed won't get to see ange and court in person.

10. i wonder if God is more free to move in america in the physical realm then in India. I mean everything in my life is falling in place...and people say to me "wow God really loves you?" and my first thought is...yeah, He does but does that mean he doesn't love my friends in Sonagachi? and i think that there has to be some kind of freedom here for God to move.....in different ways then he moves in India....or maybe its not different at all.....i don't know.

11. saw slum dog millionaire last night outside on the green at UCF and loved it even better the second time around. India is an amazing country.

12. i think its cute how all people from michigan when they talk about where they live use the their hand to show apox. where they live!!!

13. love that i am having a party to say thanks and we might play hillbilly boxing!!!

i love that my friends in kolkata miss me. i love that laura made me a kelly clarkson cd!!! i loved the weather yesterday...honestly...it was perfect. i love that this man i met yesterday started a ministry from the lay people in the church and then asked the pastors for their support. and it worked better then anything the church as ever done before. i love that the apartment i am going to live in has this huge amazing tree in the background. i love sending beth and sarah......some fun fun stuff.