Thursday, July 31, 2008

i've been memed

i got memed and have been avoiding it because i don't know who to give links to my friends blogs so you might not get a link to the people that i tag but will try.
Here are the rules:1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. i have a little retarded toe. i know that's politically incorrect but i am sorry for that. that is what i have always called my little toe on my right foot. i had an infection when i was a kid and its like this shriveled stub. cute but still a stub.

2. since living in india picking my nose in public...not so much a problem for me anymore.

3. i really want to be great at something. i have always dreamed of becoming a great artist, or great Broadway actress who could move people's souls with the beauty of my voice or an athlete that would break all the records and be a role model for kids. i have tried and done so many different things in my life i am just not great at any of them (especially singing).

4. while traveling in spain with my friend kirsten on our train to madras we met all these other young people from all over the world. they were going to run with the bulls. we were going to madras. we had to get down at a train station to switch trains. they begged us to come, but we didn't have reservations and we heard that you might have to sleep on the street or in a hotel i think from fear of the unknown, we got on our train to madras. i still wonder what would of happened if we would of gotten on that train.

5. in 7th grade i was the 2nd fastest typer in my typing class and won a big candy bar.

6. i really love blowing bubbles. when i was younger we used to use coat hangers, those furry wire things (what are they called) and tried to make the biggest bubble possible. i love that they are so pretty and reflect color and there is such a science behind it all .

7. i really love the 4th of July. i love watching fireworks and eating hot dogs and being outside on hot sticky days. two of my favorites have been last summer when my mom and i went to watch fireworks together, drank a beer and ate a hotdog. and for two summers 5 and 6 years ago i was working with a youth group that was down town orlando. we would park cars at our church to earn money and then walk and go watch fireworks. and we always had so much fun!!!!!!

so most of the people i know who read my blog have been tagged but a few of you have left comments so i am memeing you: MIke Rhea, sarah lance, Amanda Knihal, Laura (from beth's servant team) Laura Messina
i love reading peoples memes. i love sitting in my room listening to my favorite music. i love that ange and jesse always know the coolest and hippest music around. i love that i still have cheese from nepal left and love it!!! i love that tomorrow i get to eat pizza. i love that i stay a size 8 in india with out really trying. i love that right now there is this amazing breeze coming through my window.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

the start of sadness

its starting...and i hate it. my eyes suddenly getting all teary, my heart hurting, when i think of leaving. today at SB i was out helping a lady so didn't get back until after lunch. so i had to take my nap with all the lights on and all the ladies busily chatting (we take naps here...its awesome!!!) and as i was laying down i got to listen to the ladies chatter away and laugh. its these sounds that i want to ingrain in my soul so i can pull it out whenever i miss my friends. and i got to lay and stare at our wall of a picture of all our staff and ladies. all the pictures the ladies are smiling and look so so beautiful. and of course this makes me get all teary.
and then i think about leaving little sister.
and then sarah and beth...and well i can't even go there yet.
am trying to celebrate along the way. friday sarah moves out to her own place. and friday night beth gets back form bangladesh. so friday we are going to have one last slumber/dance party to end our time living together with a bang!!!!! again, the joy mixed with all the sadness that will bring.
but despite all this sadness it also bring with it such a deep appreciation of my life here. the food, the people, the weather,...just life in India. so its good, sad and beautiful all at the same time.
i love seeing this lady at SB R who when she first came wouldn't speak but today was telling a story and had all the ladies in stitches. i love my pilate workout video that i bought with my mom from walmart for $3 from one of those bargain bins. i love that showers here are just amazing because i am so dirty and sweaty. i love that i get to go eat sarah's cooking.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

my right to an eggroll

sometimes poverty smacks me in the face and i realize the depths i go to protect myself and harden my heart. today i was out in the city doing various errands, getting my hair cut, sending some stuff in the mail etc. enjoying having some freedom to get what i need done today. and i get hungry. and i don't want to spend a lot of money because i want to try to save some and i had a great dinner the night before. so i wanted an eggroll.
i know of a great place on park street with the best eggrolls around. as i turned on park st. two people beg from me. i don't give anything. . i am hungry. i want an eggroll. i go to the eggroll stand. immediatly one young girl starts pulling on my arm asking for an eggroll. i am annoyed. but i decide that i am going to buy her an eggroll. then two more girls come. i still hold my ground and just buy one eggroll and tell them to share it.
so i am waiting for my eggroll to get done. and this little little so cute kid covered in dirt comes over the stand. he is sooo cute and has this life giving smile.
he laughs at me. i get my egg roll and feed him about 1/6th of it then walk away while i eat the rest and the little girls split the eggroll.
and i then get convicted. i realize how somehow i think its my right to have an eggroll without being disturbed. and realize how annoyed i was that my bubble was broken and my safe little world was invaded by poverty, by hunger and desperation. i kept repeating "i have no rights" in my head the rest of the day. "love your neighbor as yourself".
i felt poverty front me today. make me ask questions again and rip my face off to reveal my greed and power. its the interruptions here in kolkata that i try to avoid and i think that i will wish for when i move back to america. poverty asked me today.....what will you do for me while you sit and eat your egg roll and go to beauty parlors and a/c book stores? poverty asked me, what is important to you?
pverty in the form of the child with the hair that is red from malnutrition but yet his smile melts people asked me today " will you enter in? will you stop pretending that i don't exist? will you stop walking so fast to get to your "important places" and be with me? will you choose to be generous with all the power and provision that you have been given?"
so now i am just sitting in these questions. sometimes i do pull away here. afraid that if i did let my heart break for each person i saw i wouldn't never be able to stop crying. or maybe if i let my heart feel and stop trying to be so protected i would discover more love and compassion and joy and hope then i think possible.
i love how sarah comes alive when she gets to design a system to make things better. i love that Gay and Bill have been praying for me everyday since i told them about me leaving for america. isn't that amazing??? i love that i ran into a the sweetest irish girl in the store today who was here for three weeks and had her life changed. i love that i love every blanket and bag at SB right now and want to take them all home with me. i love how what God did at SB inspires people. i love even in the midst of all the questions i find grace.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

the first round of good-byes

so my first round of good-byes came. i went to nepal this weekend. it was amazing. i feel like in addition to saying good-bye to all the amazing peeps there. i was saying good-bye to a time and a place in my life. i have been going to Kathmandu regularly for the past 6 years!!! i have so many memories wrapped in that place. egg night, sitting on rooftops, watching kara have her heart broken for bipen, yummy chocolate cake, safety, a trek with my mom, aunt and beth, and beauty. i took most all my servant teams there and went there on my own servant team. i read in a book once that when you leave a place you miss the person you are in that place. so i guess i will miss who i am in nepal and who i get to be with there.
but i did have some great meals and talks and i seriously know the most amazing people on earth. some of them are just starting their journey in nepal and i get giddy when i think about how God will form them and use them in nepal. then there are the ones who have been there for a couple years and have this amazing wisdom and insight and have story after story about God's faithfulness. then there are my friends who have been there for 10 years and are now moving on to something new and different and having to say good-bye after loving so well in Nepal. so my time was full to the brim with good things.
i forgot my camera so don't have any pictures so i will try to get some from my friends.
i love that calvin's language blunder made me laugh and still makes me laugh. I love that Bucks and Bangs will get to travel together soon. i love sitting a round a kitchen, cooking good food, with a glass of red wine, and talking and laughing with easy friendships. i love that silas and kim's daughter is so hilariously and sweetly clumsy. i love the CD i got from silas. i love that everyone has hilarious stories from their awkward teenage years. i love that brook and kara's apartment felt so cosy and safe and welcoming. i love that kara is one of my most favorite people in the world. i love that i got to come home to sarah who knows me so well. i love that i am tired and get to sleep in my own bed.

Monday, July 14, 2008

so maybe to slow

i realize how long it has been since i blogged. but i think that is a good thing because my life has just been full of good, deep rich things. am still learning so much about taking it slow. some harder then others but its good.
here are some random stuff:
1. this weekend i watched four movies!!! yep four. Hancock in theaters, Wanted, Gone Baby Gone and Spider man 2. My least favorite was probably Wanted but like all the other three for different reasons.

2. Read the book "the shack" and had my face ripped off. was reading through tears that were both moved from the story as well as God moving in my heart.

3. got to go visit A and B at the boys home this past weekend. They are still soooo cute and are doing really well. They mom still hasn't come to visit them so they are really sad about that.

4. facebook has been freakin me out a little bit this past week. so many people from out of no where, from all parts of my past are showing up!!! its like seeing ghost sometimes.

5. am going to nepal this sunday to say good-bye to the staff there. it will be my first good-bye.

6. have my last days scheduled out. last day at SB, last day at the gatch. really weird and sad but feeling peaceful about it.
7. am having God move in deep places in my heart and its not as painful this time. just loving. moving me to a deeper place of trust.
8. we have a new swiss-french friend who said i could come and live on his family's friends farm and make cheese for a summer. but its in the swiss-italian part of Switzerland and would have to learn italian. definitely going to put that on the radar but think that i will be awhile before i ready for that. and that he taught us how to make crepes!!!
9. have a new friend named Jo who keeps me in stitches.
10. am trying to eat fried eggplant, fried potato things and this special mix off the streets whenever possible even though is so bad and fatty for me. i know that my time here is dwindling and alu chap and beguni baja are not available in america.

okay....i love my word treasure book. i love listening to the rain. i love watching someone doing something they are passionate about. i love that i have to think about going home.