a tiny modeling career

so here are a sample of my sweet moves while i was at the beach a couple week ago with the SB's ladies and the staff. (and i say tiny modeling career because i can't figure out how to make the pictures bigger. )
So...... if you are struck by the power of my ability to pose i am willing to offer courses on "acting natural: bollywood style". Just come for a visit and you can get the complete course. If i like you i might even give you a discournt. but until then just be inspried by the kolkata girls keepin' it real Bollywood style.



i love that my mom comes in 5 days!!! i love that we are going to stay at the Hotel Relax. i love that my room is organized like my mom organizes her house...lots of piles of random stuff. i love that i am unable to really concentrate right now on anything and just want to go have fun. i love that feeling after cleaning your room where everything is orderly, fresh smelling, pretty and i feel accomplished and somewhat in control. i Love people that appreciate farting.....Thanks Brent!!!

poverty sucks

words just feel so empty to write about my day. so empty to describe how rich, amazing, hard and life-giving life is right now.
spent my time between the gatch and my friend's house in the vilalge...M. if you know M...we have been friends with her for yeras and years. her sister got really sick after having her baby a month and 1/2 ago so she was admitted into the government hospital. she was septic. she died thsi weekend. If you know M's story at all its marked by lots and lots of sad stories She was trafficked, she has HIV, her father left her family. and nothing that has happened to her is fair or right. poverty sucks. there are layers upon layers of reasons why her sister died like she did and why M life has taken the turn it has.
we didn't get word that her sister had died until today. so we went to her home. and we got to sit with her and talk with her. her mother has taken down all the idols in her house. she talked about how she cried out to the gods and no one heard her. she said that she told the gods that if they saved her daughter she would be faithful to them. but her daughter died. but listen to this....the only thing she didn't throw out of her room...was a cross. it still hangs on her wall.
we talked with them both about how Jesus understands your suffering because he suffered. M remember when she was working at our friends business the movie she saw about Jesus and said she remembered. we didn't make any promises to her that God would heal her or make her life perfect and great....we told her that God suffers with her and He suffers with her and for her because He loves her.
she processed some things about her sister's death. she told us that she can only remember bad things her sister sad. she say she doesn't really believed she has died. most of the time she thinks she is at her mother-in-law's house and is coming home soon.
however, through this experience M wants to see a dcotor and start getting better and wants to work at SB or our friends business.
what am i trying to say........what i am trying to say is that sometimes Jesus is like a fart at a funeral. when someone farts in the most inappropriate times it sometimes bring laughter where there should be no laughter. it breaks the tension in a room and makes people remember good and funny things.
that is what today was like......Jesus showed up in an inappropriate place today. He showed up where there was no hope and gave hope. He brought an inappropriate joy to where there should only be sorrow.
and i know its such a crude way to talk about Jesus but it makes sense to me. and my words just seem to failing right now but i will just say it was a '"farting at a funeral" kinda day. and for those of you who understand....awesome and thank you.
i love that beth made me laugh really hard lots today. i love that M laid in my lap today. i love that farting makes me and my brother laugh more than anything else. i love when in the midst of such immense sorrow God can show me hope in the tiniest things. i love that you really can make a difference in this world. i love that for the first time ever in kolkata i realize how many trees this city has. i love that my nut obsession is finally going away.

a quote

“May God Bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.”

this is a quote that i took off my friend's tammy blog, who took it from a charlie hall CD and i don't know where charlie hall got it from but its awesome.

i love that i am home back in kolkata after an amazing, amazing amazing beach weekend with our ladies. i love the steet food we got t eat along the beach. i love that we now have a special memory time at 9:30pm with the ladies. i love that today i get to maybe look at some flat for sarah, beth, and I.

to the beach with 54 of my closest friends

well, its 10:47 and i am exhausted. we said good-bye to our dearest friends tonight charolette and Julian. it was of course a beautiful mix of sadness and joy. we are going to miss them so much. however, since so many other things have been taking my attention away our weekend away tomorrow has come up to quickly.
tomorrow the SB ladies and our staff are goign away to the beach for the weekend!!!! yes, 55 people in total. that is about 17 ladies, our staff, adn lots of kids. i don't think i have processes anything at all about this weekend...like how amazing it is!! we get to go on vacation with our SB ladies!!!! oh my goodness!!!!! wahooo!!!!
i love Charolette and Julian. i love that today kiran rocked my face off with how amazing she is. i love that i still haven't packed yet. i love that i bought a sweet spider man mug. i love that i ate the pez from my ms. santa pez dispenser that i got for christmas from my parents. i loev that my mom comes soooo soon.

why today was a good day

1. i have been feeling so drained lately. i asked beth yesterday if God could put fight in me again to fight for the girls. Today, i got to fight for a girl.

2. i had three people compliement my bengali today.

3. as i was taking the metro home today i saw a girl i knew from the gatch and we got to sit together.

4. i discovered a possible new food obsession...a paneer pastry.

5. the auto driver regonized me and told the other passengers that i speak bengali. we then had a conversation about our business.

6. I got to cut rolls for blankets at sari bari with Gita

7. I realized how free i am to make a decision. on my metro ride i realized that i wasn't worrying about anything....no boys, conflicts...i was free and it was so nice.

8. i bought by tickets to go on my "get the freak out of kolkata" retreat next weekend. i am going to see Tammy. and i am going to go by myself and love it.

9. i took an 1/2 hour nap today when i finally got to sari bari. i only take naps when i am really really tired. it was so nice.

10. i am obsessed with home made indian food lately. a lady at sari bari let me try some of her alu dum and it was sooo good. i am learning how to make kichuri and alu baja. i want to be able to teach my mom.

11. i had a conversation with ange two days ago and i still feel like i am processing lots of cool things.

12. as i am writing this i just got a text message on my phone from spice jet that told me about my ticket...how is that for service.

13. i love that in the past three day i have talked to ange, david, laura, and a little bit with kara and loved it.

14. today i contimplated seriousness and Jesus farting. sometimes i get soooo serious and forget to laugh and remember that God has a sense of humor. today i wondered if Jesus would rip one with all of His dsciples around and then laugh...i mean it was a bunch of men. who knows??/ but it makes me smile.


i think that is all. it was a good day and i am so wonderfully tired. i am goign to bed.

a joke

my pastor here, well he is a really not so much gifted in preaching as he is just an amazing kind man who loves Jesus so much.
he isn't bengali but south indian. he has lighter skin, this kinda bigger nose and he wears these huge huge glasses from the 1970's. whenever he tries to tell a joke when giving a sermon he gets so excited he jumps out of his chair and makes himself laugh (we all sit in a room together when he speaks) yesterday he spoke about laughter and God. he told a joke...and it kinda made me laugh.....andi can't remmeber the exact titles of the books so bear with mith me....

there was a group of women sitting togther and chatting and chatting away. they all had kids, were pregnant or there were plans for kids in the future. they started talking about what they were reading when they got pregnant. one lady started:
"well, when i was prgnant i was reading "tale of two cities" and "oh bah bah...i had twins"
The next lady chimed in, "well, when i was pregnant i was reading the 3 muskateers and oh bah bah....i had tiplets"
suddenly on of the pregnant mother stands up and says, "Oh bah bah, ladies what shall i do?? i just read Akbar and the 40 theieves?"

its kinda funny...isn't it????
and having my pastor tel lit was even cuter.

thing are okay here. had a great weekend (of course). bought our tickets for the train to see the taj mahal, paid the electricity bill, fell asleep in a coffee shop, our friend charolette and jullian took us out for an amazing amazing farewell dinner and we got to have steak!!, and yesterday there was a social justice film festival and got to see two films "i want to be a pilot" and the hands of Che". and today is a puja so we have another day off!!!!

i love that i have apicture of kim and her new family displayed by my computer, i love that i have quite a few freqeuent flyer miles now. i love that i like the book i am reading now "attonement". i love that feeling after a long day of coming home. i love that wheni come home at night we can make a easy dinner, grab diet cokes and wathc grey's anatomy uninteruppeted and without any objection. i love my new 10 rupee gel pen

the distracting pigeons

so everyday here is always an adventure. its part of the reason i don't want to leave. on monday we went to see this new lady. i will call her Suma. we walked by her room and she called us in. and on top of her head was a pigeon.....for those of you who have been here she was sitting in her small little room in the gatch with a pigeon on her head.

and for those of you who have known me for a while, you would know how i feel about pigeons. they lived in our flat here for nine years before we moved in....and we cleaned up their crap. lots and lots of pigeon crap...and then for a year we fought for our flat from the pigeons. i do not like pigeons. they are the rats of the air.

however, this lady had called us into her room. we look to our right and she has cardboard boxes with pigeons in them because she keeps them in her room...not in a cage...but in boxes so they can fly around and stuff.

she invited us to sit on her bed. she has it covered in plastic so the birds won't ruin her bedspread.

i am trying not to be grossed out.

we start talking and she starts telling me her story....

"i was trafficked at 13 to bombay and then trafficked again to Dubai with a fake passport. here take a look at my passort"

and this whole time she is talking i am thinking

"oh gosh that pigeon is on her head! am i sitting in pigeon pooh? oh gross how can she love these animals? oh gosh...the pigeon is pooping on her. oh gosh...she is cleaning the poop off her back as she is telling us her sad story. oh gross, her hand touched the pooh."

and this continued.

she did tell us that she keeps the birds as pets because she is really lonely. the man who is keeping her lives in nepal and only come once in a while to give money. so she like the company of the birds.

and i felt......bad. bad for her story and bad for being totally grossed out by the rats of the air.

she invited us back next week for lunch. in her room with pigeons. can i say no????

i love how you can never plan a day the unexpected always happens. i love listening to classical music on my ipod while take a boat ride in kolkata. i love how good friends know you. i love that today there was a strike so we have a day off. i love shane bernard. i love i got a long email from my dad today.

lovin' the hair

my haircut is way cute....will email a picture later. its still as curly as it ever was. yipee!!!
yesterday, we had a celebration at SB. it was 7 ladies i year celebration of freedom and two ladies have complete their 6 months training. it was really fun.
i forget sometimes how amazing life is here. we laughed so much yesterday. i felt like i belonged there and felt attached to our ladies. i forget how constant we arein each other's lives. i for them, them for me.
we danced and ate cake and took pictures.

this morning we had our network meeting. its a group of all people who work in the red-light areas. and to my amazement. its working. we had the pastor's tea, we have plans for the future. and the thing is we are all the different people from about 6 or 7 different countries coming together because we belive Jesus and are beliveing that change is possible. a women from new zeland today gave such a timely devotion about the verse that talks about a seed doesn't bear fruit unless it dies. and she talked about that time between the death and the rescurection...the time of waiting.
she felt that GOd has given her a word for us as network....that HE was pleased with us, and our lives and work were like a pleasant fragrance to HIm.
that almost made me. because sometime i feel like all i let off it a gross stink because i am so aware sometimes of my own struggles here. but its like I felt grace today. the waiting is because God loves me. IF he didn't love me, He would leave me, give up on me, turn HIs face and let me be the way that i am.....He is refining my character during the waiting not to punish me or show me how bad i am but because he loves me and He had plans and had plans to use me.

so that is good.

gotta run.

i love diet coke.....really i am addicted. i love sugarless mint gum. i love how leonora laughs. i love that i almsot have all the tickets bought for my trip with mom and aunt susie. i love tha tmy hair is really sassy. i love when people notice your haircut.