kingdom of heaven

so i have been searching for answers. i feel like i have all these puzzle pieces and am trying to fit all this together. i think i learned about a piece of the puzzle. i have all these questions about salvation, poverty, is Jesus the only way?, what do the 15,000,000 hindus who never hear about Jesus...what happens to them? what happened to the women who dies in my arms at the train station. i have questions. and i had a lunch with my dear brother yesterday....scott crawford.
and it became clear that at the core of questions i am asking, " am i right or wrong? are they right and i am wrong?" and i think i learned yesterday that is the wrong attitude. b/c in the kingdom of heaven there is only love, not right and wrong. right and wrong creates, jealousy and anger and causes bad fruit in my life. my job is not to prove that Jesus was right, but to love. Jesus can work out the heart stuff.
i realized that this feels like truth b/c something in me is able to take a deep breath and breathe......i know that in moments in kolkata....the unshakable kingdom broke through the darkness. for example, when i held that dying women in my arms......i don't know what happened to her when she died, but that wasn't my job...my job was to love her in that moment like our Father in heaven wanted to love her.
i need to give up my need to be right.....that is scarier then anything so far.......

i love scott and rebecca crawford. i love velvet elvis. i love that i miss eating bread and cheese. i love that i feel like something broke in me yesterday. i love that i realize.....hmmm....maybe my heart does need healing.