some news

so i am puttin it out there....i haven't been able to write really what is going on in my thoughts for the past couple months because....well i wasn't ready to make this public knowledge yet...but here goes....read on...its my june prayer letter:

Dear Friends and Family,
I am writing this email full. No so much full on yummy Indian food but filled with so many different emotions. My contract with WMF is coming to an end in September. For the past 3-4 months I have been praying about whether or not I was going to renew for three years or return home. After months and months of prayer and lists and conversations and tears I have decided not to renew my contract with WMF. It has taken me a long time to reach this decision and sometimes it still doesn’t feel real.
I am sure now the next question in your mind would be “Why?”. I wish that I could tell you a specific reason but I can’t. I can though explain to you some of the process of coming to this decision.
Kolkata is a really amazing and exciting, but hard city. I love the relationships that I have here and seeing how God is doing the impossible through these relationships However, I feel like most of the time while I live here I hold my breath and survive. I feel like when I leave Kolkata I take breath of fresh air, come back and fight to be here. It’s really hard to let down and I am constantly on guard. As the time got closer to decide to renew my contract I was able to be more honest with myself about how much this place wears on my soul. However, I had always thought when I left this place I would be moving onto something else; marriage, an amazing job etc. I thought I would have a “reason to leave”. But to my amazement I am not moving on to any of these things. It’s God that is moving me on. Instead of hearing “Fight more. Press on”. I am hearing, “Breath. It’s okay. My grace is big enough to move you on. I am reason enough”. It has taken me a long time to believe that God could move me, when I see a huge need in front of me. I still struggle with feeling guilt and condemnation. But I feel like I am once again finding a God who Is my Father, who looks after me and loves me and protects me and the people I love as well.
I have been able to live out my gifting here in such an amazing way. I am an initiator, a visionary, a pusher (is that a word?), a connector. These are the core of who I am and that is who I have been here in Kolkata. God has used me to be a catalyst in starting SB, to cast a vision for Sonagachi and the network, and has let me push through the darkness for the girls. I have lived out my vocation while I have lived here in Kolkata. I am leaving with a better understanding of who I am at my core. I plan on continuing to live out of my vocation where ever God leads me next.
I know that India and the women here will always, always be a part of me. I am forever changed by their stories, their friendship, their laughter, and their suffering. I carry them with me back to America and will continue to fight for them.
Please pray for me and the staff here. I am finding it really hard to say good-bye and let go. I am glad that I have a couple months for this process. I have poured my life out here and I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest!!! I am learning how to trust the process and God’s grace.
Words of thanks seems so minuscule for you all, my friends and family, who have carried me though the past 5 years. You have supported me in everyway possible. You have been a part of everything that has happened here. Because of you and your prayers and your support SB was started, 17 ladies have freedom from the trade, hundreds of girls in the gatch know they have friends who will come and talk with them, and a work was started here that will continue even when I am long gone. Thank you on behalf of all my friends here.
I will continue my service with WMF until the end of September. I will be able to collect salary for the next three month after my contact ends to help ease the transition back into America, so that would be until the end of 2008. So if you are financially supporting me I am asking that you would continue to do so until the end of this year, or if you have always wanted to support me and never got the chance now would be a good as time as any! I will have some higher expenses in the next couple months. I am going to have a complete physical and gum surgery in Thailand, travel to Nepal to say good-bye and have closure with the staff and then all the expenses that come with moving somewhere new. It’s a little overwhelming, so I am just asking that you hang in there a little longer!!!
And don’t worry. This isn’t my good-bye letter. It’s just the heads-up keep you in the loop letter. You will for sure hear from me again.
Keep checking my blog (you can also find links to Beth and Sarah’s there as well) www.jesusripsmyfaceoff.com
With my utmost respect and love,
Kristin Keen